Bobby Sharma, a Nepali immigrant to USA, posts this heartwarming letter dedicated to his daughter on her birthday.
As I look back Urvi, I find it absolutely astounding to realize over the last few years, that our exchanges never included American Girls, Cabbage patch dolls, gummy bears, fancy sneakers, One Direction numbers, Jessie and Liv & Maddy. Instead we spoke about BLM movement, Larry Nassar’s trial, Geoffrey Epstein’s suicide, MeToo crusade and what it means to live a life as a colored kid in a Southern state in Trump’s America.
We spoke of my life in Nepal, my struggle as an immigrant in America, the challenges we faced to raise you all by ourselves and how you should espouse maturity at an early age, save, invest, be frugal, understand how important gratitude is and how you must learn to introduce empathy, compassion, integrity and humility to yourself. We also spoke of importance of grades and getting into better college, toxic masculinity, belligerent feminists who cry foul at every male mistake but do little for their sorority, cute boys with only one intent, sullen old men with same intent, the pleasure of casual sex, the shock of unwanted pregnancy, debilitating heartbreaks, flailing careers, distressing anxieties and throes of defeats. But to rise up to those challenges and to address them correctly is what will define your success as a woman.
Very soon, you will be introduced to alcohol and cigarette, or worse yet – pot. There will be stupors of passion and episodes of depressions, someone at some point will always be smarter, richer and prettier than you; and honestly at one point it will seem everyone else is. To retreat is so human, to throw in the towel is so anticipated and so is swallowing a bar of Xanax. But great leaders voluntarily launch themselves out of their comfort zone, create their niche and shake things up as a part of their self-rescue plan and that is what I expect you to do. Remember, there is no growth in comfort and no comfort in growth. Also everyone makes bad decisions – poor girls end up with toothless Bubba, rich girls marry Kanye West. But to learn from other’s mistake is what makes you smart. Gone are the days when you learn from your own.
I hope you could get into Bowdoin or Dartmouth, but wouldn’t bat a sweat if you choose to enroll into Billy Bob’s trailer park community college if that’s what makes you happy. If you choose to be a mother Teresa, the world will remember you, but very few people wish to hang out with you. So instead, adopt the philosophies of Ellen, Oprah, Angela Merkel, Indira Gandhi, Indra Nooyi, Michelle Obama, Malala Yousafzai, Greta Thunberg et al. Be a fighter, but with logic, smarts and prudence.
And as Lee Ann Womack aptly put it –
….when you get the choice to sit it out or dance…..I hope you dance!
Happy 16th Birthday Urvi Grace Sharma!
Why I moved out from parents home
Leaving the roof provided by parents to get your own roof for yourselves and your significant other, under which you building your own family, and raising them with your own sets of values and beliefs are the most human thing, that has been in practice since the dawn of humanity.
Leaving the roof provided by parents to get your own roof for yourselves and your significant other, under which you building your own family and raising them with your own sets of values and beliefs are the most human thing, that has been in practice since the dawn of humanity.
Recently, I with my wife decided to move out from my parents home to live independently and pursue our life goals on our own. This seems very unusual for “kathmandu ma ghar bhako” person, especially when you are the only son living in the house with your parents that too being married. Everyone would probably assume, “something not right at home.” More easy, blame the wife or blame the parents. But I am not in mood to blame anyone. I would like to take the sole responsibility for the decision I made regardless of how the situation unfolded because in the end, if I didn’t want to move out, I could always find a reason to live in the parents home, but instead I chose to find the reason to move and reason being — being a grown-up human. Leaving the roof provided by parents to get your own roof for yourselves and your significant other, under which you building your own family and raising them with your own sets of values and beliefs are the most human thing, that has been in practice since the dawn of humanity. That was the core driving factor for us to make the decision, which both my parents and siblings had understood and supported.
It had only been few years for me living with my parents. For many years, I was outside Nepal and I know the importance and beauty of living independently. All my life, I have always valued freedom and independence more than anything. Of course, it has its own challenges and hardships but in those adversity, life happens. It teaches you to actually be a human capable of taking care of your own shit independently. I have always strongly advocated for every grown-up child to leave their parents’ house once and spend few years away just to go through the process of being a grown-up in actual sense. Anyone who has lived through the process can relate what I am trying to say through this article.
However, it is not that easy for youth, especially youth from Kathmandu. They are kind of entrapped in a social construct. Leaving the “bhaako ghar‘ to move to a rented apartment in the same city is matter of shame for many. It took me one and half years to make this decision because my wife was always against the idea of moving out to live independently, but I knew sooner or later, she would realize the importance of living separately and independently caring less about what others would say. Finally, here we are with our own rented apartment, which is barely 500 meters away from my parents home. This way, I have my freedom and independency and at the same time, a call away from parents to be available for them when they need me.
I have seen many people out there, and also married couples living with parents, forcefully adjusting to fit per their expectations, live per their values that they don’t agree with , and vent out the frustration over social media and social gathering, all because “bhaako ghar chodera ka jaanu…what people will say.” They wish they could move to different city in the name of job, and that way they could escape the societal gossip, but then there is no better place than Kathmandu. What else they could think of to escape the “shame” yet breathe the freedom? “baby haami pani bahira jau na” starts becoming the pillow talk of many couples.
I never understood why go abroad, if it is all for experiencing freedom and independent life, when you can live like in abroad here in Nepal itself? For that, all you need is a courage. You don’t need to go abroad to have a barbeque party at your place with your friends tossing over beers, nor you need to go abroad to wear your desired clothes and roam freely in your apartment. You neither have to go abroad to sleep as long hour as you wish nor you have to go abroad to pack your dinner from a restaurant. Most of the times it’s the parents being the reason for individuals and couples to compromise their way of living but still for that you don’t have to go abroad. You simply can move out to find your own space to exercise your own styles and wishes. That’s what we did.
Freedom is indeed only for braves. It is for people with courage, people who are ready for hardship, people with thick skin ready to face the adversity. It is for people who would like to discover their own values and beliefs instead of forcefully shallowing the values pushed down by elders as the terms to coexist. Many who lack needed courage hide behind the excuse of being “responsible so adjusting and still living together,” but actual fact is they are simply scared. They are scared to risk their entitlement over parental properties; they are scared of what others would think; they are scared of what if worst things happen and have to get back to parents as a loser.
That’s just not me. I can’t wait for my parents to die to live my way per my philosophies and ideologies and values. And I find it very very wrong to expect them to change for us giving up their values and thoughts and practices that they have been living by all this time. They have all the rights to live by the values they grew up with, no matter how stupid and backward they look to me. If they are living by wrong values and dogmas, they are to live the consequences, and upgrade accordingly. So the best thing that every human from across the world practices is what I chose to do and that is to leave the parents home peacefully to pursue our life and relationship goals on our own. I feel sorry for those wives who have to live unhappily living against her beliefs of equality and human rights because husband is scared of moving out. I feel sorry for those individuals quietly tolerating everything that parents set terms over because they are ashamed to move out to live by their own terms. And I also sorry for those parents, who have to fight for living by their own values and thoughts in their own self-built house because the “new generation” don’t seem to agree with. Why create so much of conflict and chaos, disagreements and dissatisfaction, when can simply move out like a grown-up? That’s what we did.
We the urban youth often expect this society to change for us, and be it like every other developed countries, where they value personal freedom and happiness, individualism, cherish each moment, celebrate as it pleases, but deep down, we are scared to lose our privilege secured by our parents. And we end up living through the cognitive dissonance in each passing time and vent that out over social media and over coffee table passively. World does not change through opinions and wishes alone, if there lacks the examples and references. Many of us fear to be that examples and references. We chose to be that example and reference.
It’s been a couple of days now that we have moved to our own apartment. We set our own kitchen and bedroom, created a beautiful living and work space. Cook what we like to eat, sleep when we feel like. No rituals to follow that we don’t agree with. No pressure to fit into the social construct. All day, we go for work; evening we find a way to celebrate. When parents feel like, they ring us and we are minute away to meet them. It truly feels like living abroad yet in Nepal.
“Bidesh yehi chha, bachna jannu paryo.”
What are Nepalis working as in Australia
“Australia ma K kaam garchau?”
“Australia ma kasto kaam paincha?”
“K kaam garchan hola nepali haru le Australia ma?”
Many from Nepal are curious about Nepalis living in Australia regarding the types of jobs, their earnings, job availability, struggles and opportunities. It is estimated that there are almost 1 lakh Nepalese currently in Australia and most of them have started their journey as an international student doing all kinds of jobs available to them to sustain in one of the expensive continent.
However, given the cultural background of Nepalese society, where jobs are status symbol, people often don’t reveal the types of jobs they do in Australia, especially if is deemed “sano kaam.” To break the cultural mindset and encourage and celebrate all kinds of jobs, we asked our page followers currently residing in Australia about what are they working as. Intention of the post was also to get insight on types of jobs that are available in Australia, so that it can be pretty handy for those looking for job or planning to go Australia.
We received the following answers:
Make-up artist and Cosmetician
- Reena Shakya is working as a make-up artist and cosmetician. Her basic role is to do customer service and do make overs when gets appointment. As she is no more a student, she is working 8 hrs shift a day, which gives her around 1300 AUD fortnightly.
- Sovit Ligal works as a full-time software engineer 5 days a week and gets paid in 6 digit salary. His job roles and responsibilities are to contribute to the maintenance and development of internal applications. Participating in programming activities, monitoring, and evaluating system performance, and designing and implementing new programs and features on company’s core CRM and API. Also, getting involved in the other products/projects as well as the infrastructure/architecture and microservices that the company have been rapidly enhancing.
Waiter and cleaning attendant
- Aayush Acharya, who is currently in student status, shares:
- •One at a Fine dining restaurant as a waiter where they pay me $27 & $31 per hour on weekdays and weekends respectively
- •Another I am working with NSW goverment as cleaning attendant for train where they pay me $35 per hour on week days, $45 per hour on Saturday and $55 per hour on Sunday. I work around 30-40 hours per week combined earning approx $1300-$1400 per week before tax from which I receive around $1000-$1100 every week.
- I work around 30-40 hours per week combined earning approx $1300-$1400 per week before tax from which I receive around $1000-$1100 every week.
- AP Light as he likes to call is currently in student visa, working as roof plumber. His job demands works like measuring the sheets , read the sketch and order the materials, crane up the sheets , lay the sheets, installation of flashings and finish the job. Gets paid around 30$- 40$ depends on work and project and he works 40 to 45 hours a week.
Technical Product Specialist
- Sanjay Bhandari who started his career from Call Center (5 months) at Datacom and worked for 3 months at IT support for Department of FACS(Government Organisation) and been working for Booking holding since April 2019 as technical product specialist. His job roles and responsibilities are related to Project management, Client’s Dashboard Management and fixing technical issues of company product. Working hours 4 days a week, 8-hour shift, for which he gets paid above industry standard of 40 AUD. And, he works from home!
Independent Sales Contractor
- Rabin Thapa works as an independent sales contractor on commission basis with Australian business number, for 4 days a week, 7-8 hours a day for which he earns like 1200 AUD. His job is about sales, mentoring, team building, leading, run workshops, recruit.
- Dipesh works as a cook. His work is to cook foods for customers. He needs to work 30-40 hours a week and gets paid like 800 to 1000 AUD depending on day, time, occasion. He is now citizen of Australia.
- Arya Mehta works as marketer in casual contract. There are different contracts like full time, part time, and casual, where casual stands for on-call/on-demand. His job is to “research and analyse higher education market. Skills in demand, Job growth in market, assist in course design, competitor analysis, price and product research/analysis.” He works for 5 days a week and gets paid like 45 AUD per hour.
Hope, this article and stories give a broader perspective and understanding on Nepalis in Australia. If you too want to share what you work as, please let us know by messaging us to our Facebook page, and together we will inform and inspire those in need of information and inspiration.
A week without Facebook and experience so far
It’s been one week now that I have not posted anything as such on my personal profile or on our Page, and never thought it would be this better. Glad that I made the decision. Somewhere I now can understand what does “Facebook addiction” really means, and what does it feel like getting out of the addiction.
Desperation is gone
When you handle a Facebook page that is quite active and is known for engagement and discussion, you are constantly desperate to post something to keep people engaged, and watch and listen to them. Just like how a smoker is reminded by brain to smoke as soon as nicotine high is gone, my brain used to remind me to post something as soon as earlier post had enough reach and engagement. My mind used to be constantly thinking and searching for topics and issues and concepts to post on the page or my profile. My mind used to be desperate to pass opinion or satire on any trending issue. My mind could not think of anything but next post. I didn’t know how my brain was automated until I left the Facebook. I feel relieved now. My brain is looking at other horizons, that would make my work and activities more impact-driven and meaningful. I am simply becoming more creative and thoughtful, not out of desperation but out of purpose and goals.
Facebook posts come with reactions and responses from people. Sometimes they could spurt dopamine and sometimes cortisone, and you will not know the consequence until you don’t post. As soon as you post, your mind triggers your anxiety and you are subtly drowning yourself in your brain hormones, sometimes in a pool of dopamine and sometimes in a pool of cortisone. You can’t stop yourself from checking every now and then comments, likes and reactions. And the reach. You can’t think of anything, especially when your post garners negative reactions. One half of your brain knows that it’s all momentary but another half can’t ignore and forget and chill to move on. This battle is your everyday life after every post. Amidst, you think of your business interest, your brand, your self identity, and lot other things and the anxiety gets worse. I have been in peace now.
Being more social
No desperation for next post, no anxiety to check reactions, no desire to share my moment or “what’s in my mind,” and guess what? I don’t need to look at my phone every now and then, and that’s making me social. Now, I can give my 100% to my friends, family and loved one when I am with them; I can give my 100% to my team, to my work when in office. I don’t remember being this available in last 5 years, as much as I have been in last one week.
Better attention span
I had heard and read a lot that social media lowers users’ attention span, but I could never understand the claim in true sense but now I can relate and say that’s very true. I used to have trouble watching even 15 minutes videos on YouTube, forget about hour-long video. Anything that would take my time more than 5 mins would be less-interested contents for me. And now, it’s different. This change is helping me to explore more books and documentaries and videos, and other long articles available on Internet. Needless to talk about time I get for movies.
Self and business development
As I left Facebook, all I had was my website and enough time to focus on. So, I begun learning google analytics and how it works. I even joined a course and got certified. I got to learn more about other Google products, and SEO. Meanwhile, I applied for Google Adsense and got it approved. These were the best reward I got from Universe for leaving the Facebook. If I had not left Facebook, I would still be knowing nothing about google Analytics, neither I would have applied for Google Adsense nor I would have got it approved. And I would be earning nothing for my works. But now, I can earn with an ease by doing what I love doing. Google Ads have now boosted my motivation to create quality content even more. My mind is already budding exciting content ideas and concepts. I see a whole new horizon to explore my creativity and passion, that would not only get me money and get me profound satisfaction, but also would be a learning and networking opportunity while working on those contents.
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