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A heartwarming birthday wish from a dad of just-turned-16 daughter

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Bobby Sharma, a Nepali immigrant to USA, posts this heartwarming letter dedicated to his daughter on her birthday.

As I look back Urvi, I find it absolutely astounding to realize over the last few years, that our exchanges never included American Girls, Cabbage patch dolls, gummy bears, fancy sneakers, One Direction numbers, Jessie and Liv & Maddy. Instead we spoke about BLM movement, Larry Nassar’s trial, Geoffrey Epstein’s suicide, MeToo crusade and what it means to live a life as a colored kid in a Southern state in Trump’s America.

Image may contain: Bobby Sharma, standing and outdoor

We spoke of my life in Nepal, my struggle as an immigrant in America, the challenges we faced to raise you all by ourselves and how you should espouse maturity at an early age, save, invest, be frugal, understand how important gratitude is and how you must learn to introduce empathy, compassion, integrity and humility to yourself. We also spoke of importance of grades and getting into better college, toxic masculinity, belligerent feminists who cry foul at every male mistake but do little for their sorority, cute boys with only one intent, sullen old men with same intent, the pleasure of casual sex, the shock of unwanted pregnancy, debilitating heartbreaks, flailing careers, distressing anxieties and throes of defeats. But to rise up to those challenges and to address them correctly is what will define your success as a woman.

Very soon, you will be introduced to alcohol and cigarette, or worse yet – pot. There will be stupors of passion and episodes of depressions, someone at some point will always be smarter, richer and prettier than you; and honestly at one point it will seem everyone else is. To retreat is so human, to throw in the towel is so anticipated and so is swallowing a bar of Xanax. But great leaders voluntarily launch themselves out of their comfort zone, create their niche and shake things up as a part of their self-rescue plan and that is what I expect you to do. Remember, there is no growth in comfort and no comfort in growth. Also everyone makes bad decisions – poor girls end up with toothless Bubba, rich girls marry Kanye West. But to learn from other’s mistake is what makes you smart. Gone are the days when you learn from your own.

Image may contain: 2 people, including Bobby Sharma, people standing, shoes, child and outdoor, text that says 'PLATFORM 934'

I hope you could get into Bowdoin or Dartmouth, but wouldn’t bat a sweat if you choose to enroll into Billy Bob’s trailer park community college if that’s what makes you happy. If you choose to be a mother Teresa, the world will remember you, but very few people wish to hang out with you. So instead, adopt the philosophies of Ellen, Oprah, Angela Merkel, Indira Gandhi, Indra Nooyi, Michelle Obama, Malala Yousafzai, Greta Thunberg et al. Be a fighter, but with logic, smarts and prudence.

And as Lee Ann Womack aptly put it –

….when you get the choice to sit it out or dance…..I hope you dance!

Happy 16th Birthday Urvi Grace Sharma!

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My Story

What are Nepalis working as in Australia

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Photo via Deepak Basnet

“Australia ma K kaam garchau?”
“Australia ma kasto kaam paincha?”
“K kaam garchan hola nepali haru le Australia ma?”


Many from Nepal are curious about Nepalis living in Australia regarding the types of jobs, their earnings, job availability, struggles and opportunities. It is estimated that there are almost 1 lakh Nepalese currently in Australia and most of them have started their journey as an international student doing all kinds of jobs available to them to sustain in one of the expensive continent.

However, given the cultural background of Nepalese society, where jobs are status symbol, people often don’t reveal the types of jobs they do in Australia, especially if is deemed “sano kaam.” To break the cultural mindset and encourage and celebrate all kinds of jobs, we asked our page followers currently residing in Australia about what are they working as. Intention of the post was also to get insight on types of jobs that are available in Australia, so that it can be pretty handy for those looking for job or planning to go Australia.

We received the following answers:

Make-up artist and Cosmetician

  • Reena Shakya is working as a make-up artist and cosmetician. Her basic role is to do customer service and do make overs when gets appointment. As she is no more a student, she is working 8 hrs shift a day, which gives her around 1300 AUD fortnightly.

Software Engineer

  • Sovit Ligal works as a full-time software engineer 5 days a week and gets paid in 6 digit salary. His job roles and responsibilities are to contribute to the maintenance and development of internal applications. Participating in programming activities, monitoring, and evaluating system performance, and designing and implementing new programs and features on company’s core CRM and API. Also, getting involved in the other products/projects as well as the infrastructure/architecture and microservices that the company have been rapidly enhancing.

Waiter and cleaning attendant

  • Aayush Acharya, who is currently in student status, shares:
  • •One at a Fine dining restaurant as a waiter where they pay me $27 & $31 per hour on weekdays and weekends respectively
  • •Another I am working with NSW goverment as cleaning attendant for train where they pay me $35 per hour on week days, $45 per hour on Saturday and $55 per hour on Sunday. I work around 30-40 hours per week combined earning approx $1300-$1400 per week before tax from which I receive around $1000-$1100 every week.
  • I work around 30-40 hours per week combined earning approx $1300-$1400 per week before tax from which I receive around $1000-$1100 every week.

Roof plumber

  • AP Light as he likes to call is currently in student visa, working as roof plumber. His job demands works like measuring the sheets , read the sketch and order the materials, crane up the sheets , lay the sheets, installation of flashings and finish the job. Gets paid around 30$- 40$ depends on work and project and he works 40 to 45 hours a week.

Technical Product Specialist

  • Sanjay Bhandari who started his career from Call Center (5 months) at Datacom and worked for 3 months at IT support for Department of FACS(Government Organisation) and been working for Booking holding since April 2019 as technical product specialist. His job roles and responsibilities are related to Project management, Client’s Dashboard Management and fixing technical issues of company product. Working hours 4 days a week, 8-hour shift, for which he gets paid above industry standard of 40 AUD. And, he works from home!

Independent Sales Contractor

  • Rabin Thapa works as an independent sales contractor on commission basis with Australian business number, for 4 days a week, 7-8 hours a day for which he earns like 1200 AUD. His job is about sales, mentoring, team building, leading, run workshops, recruit.

Cook

  • Dipesh works as a cook. His work is to cook foods for customers. He needs to work 30-40 hours a week and gets paid like 800 to 1000 AUD depending on day, time, occasion. He is now citizen of Australia.

Marketing

  • Arya Mehta works as marketer in casual contract. There are different contracts like full time, part time, and casual, where casual stands for on-call/on-demand. His job is to “research and analyse higher education market. Skills in demand, Job growth in market, assist in course design, competitor analysis, price and product research/analysis.” He works for 5 days a week and gets paid like 45 AUD per hour.

Hope, this article and stories give a broader perspective and understanding on Nepalis in Australia. If you too want to share what you work as, please let us know by messaging us to our Facebook page, and together we will inform and inspire those in need of information and inspiration.

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My Story

A week without Facebook and experience so far

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It’s been one week now that I have not posted anything as such on my personal profile or on our Page, and never thought it would be this better.  Glad that I made the decision.  Somewhere I now can understand what does “Facebook addiction” really means, and what does it feel like getting out of the addiction.

Desperation is gone

When you handle a Facebook page that is quite active and is known for engagement and discussion, you are constantly desperate to post something to keep people engaged, and watch and listen to them.  Just like how a smoker is reminded by brain to smoke as soon as nicotine high is gone, my brain used to remind me to post something as soon as earlier post had enough reach and engagement.  My mind used to be constantly thinking and searching for topics and issues and concepts to post on the page or my profile.  My mind used to be desperate to pass opinion or satire on any trending issue.   My mind could not think of anything but next post.  I didn’t know how my brain was automated until I left the Facebook.  I feel relieved now.  My brain is looking at other horizons, that would make my work and activities more impact-driven and meaningful.  I am simply becoming more creative and thoughtful, not out of desperation but out of purpose and goals.

Lowering anxiety

Facebook posts come with reactions and responses from people.  Sometimes they could spurt dopamine and sometimes cortisone, and you will not know the consequence until you don’t post.  As soon as you post, your mind triggers your anxiety and you are subtly drowning yourself in your brain hormones, sometimes in a pool of dopamine and sometimes in a pool of cortisone.  You can’t stop yourself from checking every now and then comments, likes and reactions.  And the reach.  You can’t think of anything, especially when your post garners negative reactions.  One half of your brain knows that it’s all momentary but another half can’t ignore and forget and chill to move on.  This battle is your everyday life after every post.  Amidst, you think of your business interest, your brand, your self identity, and lot other things and the anxiety gets worse.  I have been in peace now.

Being more social

No desperation for next post, no anxiety to check reactions, no desire to share my moment or “what’s in my mind,” and guess what? I don’t need to look at my phone every now and then, and that’s making me social.  Now, I can give my 100% to my friends, family and loved one when I am with them; I can give my 100% to my team, to my work when in office.  I don’t remember being this available in last 5 years, as much as I have been in last one week.

Better attention span

I had heard and read a lot that social media lowers users’ attention span, but I could never understand the claim in true sense but now I can relate and say that’s very true.  I  used to have trouble watching even 15 minutes videos on YouTube, forget about hour-long video.  Anything that would take my time more than 5 mins would be less-interested contents for me.  And now, it’s different.  This change is helping me to explore more books and documentaries and videos, and other long articles available on Internet.  Needless to talk about time I get for movies.

Self and business development

As I left Facebook, all I had was my website and enough time to focus on.  So, I begun learning google analytics and how it works.  I even joined a course and got certified.  I got to learn more about other Google products, and SEO.  Meanwhile, I applied for Google Adsense and got it approved.  These were the best reward I got from Universe for leaving the Facebook.  If I had not left Facebook, I would still be knowing nothing about google Analytics, neither I would have applied for Google Adsense nor I would have got it approved.  And I would be earning nothing for my works.  But now, I can earn with an ease by doing what I love doing.  Google Ads have now boosted my motivation to create quality content even more.  My mind is already budding exciting content ideas and concepts.  I see a whole new horizon to explore my creativity and passion, that would not only get me money and get me profound satisfaction, but also would be a learning and networking opportunity while working on those contents.

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Love and Relationship

What did you learn from previous relationships?

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As humans, we are naturally built to crave connection. We want to love and be loved. No wonder, relationships occupy a major part in our lives. But “Happily Ever Afters” do take a lot of time, dedication and effort. Not every one of us are blessed enough to marry our first love. We go through lessons after lessons until we find the right one. But most of them are painful. Can’t we skip them?

Below are the few similar lessons from Quora that people shared from their own personal experiences. I hope these lessons save you from years of heartaches.

You learn self-love.

It is a well known fact that you can only pour out what you have. If you lack love yourself, how are you supposed to give it to another person? Self love is a basic foundation in any relationship. When you respect and value yourself, you can give the same to your partner. Lack of self love leads to low self esteem, which will slowly eat away your relationship.

Andrew Ferebee wrote,

In several relationships, I would begin prioritizing my partner so heavily that I would stop taking care of myself.  Look, you won’t be able to be the man or woman they need if you aren’t taking care of yourself. Eat well, get plenty of sleep, go to the gym, prioritize alone time and realize that all of these activities will make you a better partner… Not a selfish partner.” He continues- “Simply put, without self-love, there can be no love for others. You’ll constantly be using others to gain validation and approval instead of giving yourself validation and approval and then inviting others on the journey with you.

And honestly, I think this lesson needs to be heard by all.

Communication is the key.

Admit it, no matter how well people claim to know each other, people can’t read minds. And that’s the most important reason why you should always communicate whatever you’re feeling. Silence isn’t always golden, is it? Ankit Verma writes,”Only those relationships work where there is equality, maturity and active vocal communication about the problems, from both sides.”  Yes indeed. When you are vocal about your needs and problems, you can sit and fix things like how it should actually be done.

Another thing that you should know is, ” People speak different languages of love“- as Kwasi Baako states. Most of the time, the reason that your relationship isn’t working out is because your language of love doesn’t match with that of your partners. When this happens, s/he may not feel loved despite your best efforts. In such case, the first thing you should do is communicate with each other and solve the misunderstanding.

Keep your dignity- Learn to let Go.

When a relationship ends for the first time, it feels so devastating that you try to hold on – especially when the breakup is coming from the other person. Your mind will play a thousand tricks on you, because it loves the feeling of familiarity. When such a situation arise, know that it’s the time when life is testing you. You clinging to a person who deliberately chose to walk away, is only going to give them an ego boost and nothing more. Don’t give in- trust me, you are only extending your heart break.

Kwasi Baako writes- “NEVER EVER GO BACK TO PEOPLE WHO WALK AWAY FROM YOU — it’s a waste of your time , your energy and the highest form of disrespect to you,”

And yes, that is the truth, no matter how bitter it sounds.

You gotta be independent.

Udita Pal talks about three types of independence that everyone should learn- Financial Independence, Emotional Independence and Social Independence. I don’t even have to explain much because she made it so clear herself.

In her own words-

There are three kinds of independence I’m talking about.

Financial independence: It doesn’t matter who earns more or less; you need to be at a place where your partner or not you can manage your lifestyle. It would be best if you want a partner, not an ATM.

Emotional Independence: A lot of people go through depression immediately after the breakup, which is normal but you need to understand you are more than someone’s partner and relationship or not -you are still going to exist.

Social Independence: You need to have friends outside the relationship and for sure out of the mutual circle, you need people around you to continually remind you that you have someone other than one person looking out for you. And most importantly, never ignore your parents and close ones for your partner.

Say yes to healthy boundaries.

Andrew Ferebee says,” You need to know what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship and have the guts to actually enforce that.”

Basically, establish healthy boundaries, communicate them and maintain them. You have to know the difference between healthy and unhealthy compromises in a relationship. When you compromise thinking they would change in the future, you are only sowing unresolved conflicts that will show up one day or the other. If you aren’t happy with your partners’ habit in the beginning, chances are you won’t be happy with it five years down the lane.

In the end,

These are only a few among the hundreds of lessons that people shared on Quora. You can definitely check it if you want to read more. But remember, failed relationships never means that you failed your whole life.

Yes I do understand that it may have been a good relationship. But my darlings, good relationships doesn’t necessarily have to be right ones for you !!!

 

 

 

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