Do I need to change?
When should I change?
Or, why should I even change? Why can’t I be myself? Or, can I be?
Everyone of you must have gone through such sort of wonders, now and then, especially when others press you to change.
But then, you have heard many times “BE YOURSELF,” which sounds so right but others can’t take your true self and instead expect you to change, and you wonder what to do.
That confusion is because you probably have not understood that two-word philosophy itself.
To begin with, put yourself into this:
Mr. John is a complete asshole. He is rude, he does not care about others feeling. He actually enjoys seeing people suffer, a sadist guy. He can’t stick to one relationship for long. He smokes, he drinks. All in all, he is a man that barely anyone likes to befriend or date.
Now, ask yourself, should Mr. John remain as he is or change?
If your answer is he should change, then you are wrong. You are no different than people who expects you to change.
“John is a complete asshole, he is rude, blah blah blah” per whose definition? Based on whose standard? He is not committing any crime, cops is not behind him, he is not harming anyone. He is just living his life as it pleases him. WHY SHOULD HE CHANGE? just because no one could fit into his life neither a friend nor a date? Or because to live by your expectations and set of standards?
Hope you got the point. So, let’s jump into BE YOURSELF
Be yourself is a philosophy rooted to individualism. Individualism is the moral stance, political philosophy, ideology, or social outlook that emphasizes the moral worth of the individual. Individualists promote the exercise of one’s goals and desires and so value independence and self-reliance and advocate that interests of the individual should achieve precedence over the state or a social group, while opposing external interference upon one’s own interests by society or institutions such as the government.
The whole idea behind the BE YOURSELF is that you owe your own shit. Good or bad, you live the consequences. Humans by nature change per the situation and circumstances or desires and wants. When it truly happens so, you will change anyway. If you don’t, nature will take care of you. But until then, being yourself is the key, because when you remain as you are, first you signal out your true self to others, making others life easy to make up their mind about you. Secondly, you live the process and that’s the most comforting, most joyful and most peaceful state, because you will grow organically as your are supposed to.
You don’t need to change a thing in you unless you truly desire so. If you are fat, be yourself. If you are introvert, be yourself. If you are jerk, be yourself. If you are a geek, be yourself. Don’t try to change just to fit in or accepted by others.
Yes, you may lose people from your life who does not like you for your true self. But hey, someone of your type will join you anyway. Be yourself.
What if those people are my family, my relatives, my loved ones? Well, that’s a tough choice you need to make. Either be yourself and let them decide what to do with you. Or, you fit into their expectation and standard and live and act per them. Both have own pros and cons. Which option will you choose, you are to decide.
In short, BE YOURSELF is a philosophy that tells you to be original as you are, even if that means being different, not meeting others norms and standards, not fitting into others expectations.
Be you. The world will adjust.
Quick Read: Feel if you can’t heal
World is weird with so many shades of grey and somewhere in the shades, there lies weirdos, too hard to fix. Call them crazy, call them psycho, call them drama queen or call them bitch, but they are what they are. Wish they could fix them, but they know they can’t.
Maybe, they too wish to be “normal” like everybody else, who can control their thoughts and actions, can calculate and pretend, but no. If they could, they would not be weird in first place, would not get into trouble, get into controversy. Maybe they scream in their lonesome “why am I born like this?” but even that feeling does not last long as mood swings from one pole to another.
Some of the kind happen to be famous or popular for their talents or sheer luck, but then they are what they are.
“Oh! the poor soul, there goes again …pissing off fans and crowds” Managers get tired, family gets embarrassed, turning off admirers and the “normal people”
Jim Morrison from the movie “The Doors” can be a perfect example. If you have not watched the movie, highly recommended.
It’s very hard for others to understand them except their loved ones or near ones. And to add ghee in the fire, there comes drugs, boozes, cigs and cannabis, messing up the already messed up head.
What others see is an arrogant, uncultured wild beast and bitch. Deep inside, however, they are burning with erratic moods every now and then, racing thoughts and clouded head. They hating themselves to live like an unpredictable clown; tried therapy, tried pills, but nothing seems working except for few days.
God knows, how many times they have cried out loud “How long to live like this??” inside an asylum that no body was told.
When you find one, be nice to them.
Okay now listen the song
We are poor because we hate money
“If you hate rich people, if you hate money, if you hate how economy works, you are destined to die poor,” a wise man once told.
During my recent Bangalore visit, I got to meet some start-up founders. One of them was a lady probably in her mid-20s. Her company is into digital marketing. They call themselves “branding experts” and they claim themselves to be “quite creative.” I went through couple of videos made by them and also couple of their works. They also do social media marketing. I asked, “how much do you guys charge for handling a page?” She said “depends…starts from 2 lakhs.” She employees 15+ people in her start-up.
Met another team who runs a research company. They charge anywhere between 5-25 lakhs for conducting a market research. Likewise, had also met entrepreneurs, business enthusiasts, freelancers. They all have similar stories, similar spirits and passion and they all are hungry for money, bold enough for money.
By meeting them and listening and checking out their works, I didn’t find myself small or inferior, nor I find people from my hometown less creative or less talented, but I noticed there is something in them that we don’t have. That is, guts to throw numbers, guts to dream big numbers, guts to chase numbers. Personally, my heart would tremble to ask 6-digit fee for a consultancy or a month-long research and there they are, asking the number just for a social media handling.
By the time, they start their business, they are in few crore valuation. In a year or two, 10 cr company. In 5 years, 100 cr company. That’s the trend and target, they all are up to. On the way back home, I was thinking, why do we fear so much to dream big numbers? why do we tremble? why are we so cheap? why do we settle with peanuts? and many similar questions. Maybe because we grew up thinking as if it’s insane to think big numbers, chase big numbers. We label it with madness, greed, and what not all. Maybe in all these, I am somehow psychologically and culturally programmed to think big, dream big, ask big. In this mindblock and hesitation, I die.
If you’re in your 20s, don’t live like in 30’s
If you are in your early 20s, you are young and generally speaking, you have at least another 5 years to live without worrying much about finance and familial responsibilities. See, this is not the time for you to run for money, to run for car and house. The time will come that you will have no option but to run for those things. You will be stuck with familial and social responsibilities, even if you don’t want to. BUT, THIS IS NOT THE TIME.
This is the time for you to know people, to try, to experiment, to explore. The energy that you have at this age bracket won’t be same 5 years from now that you will realize only when you are nearing your 30. So, I would say make best use of the energy that you have now, not to live like a 30-year-old person but like a 22-year-old, as you are. Your 30-year-old life anyway is there waiting for you. But your 22-year-old life won’t be there.
Your 20s is the time for you to join new circle, new people, join start-ups, try building things, try creating things, try winning deals, try ruling markets, try this, try that, try everything. Even if it does not work out, you are young and you will be alright; not like in 30s, when if you mess up, your chance to grow further will shrink by half.
Take a chance, explore it. Don’t look for job in Facebook, job in Google, job in CG or NCell or NTC or some big corporate house, where you would feel secure, would earn better. Instead, look for a job in start-ups, and make it next Facebook or Google or CG or NCell. If you want to try your own, that’s even better. How much ever you give for big companies, you will be still only known as employee. When you give your best for start-ups, you will be known as founding team, founding member. When the start-ups become big, your name will be in its history book, you pics will be in companies wall.
That’s the beauty of working with start-ups. You are just in your 20s, I repeat, don’t run for money. Run for a team that is worth investing your time and energy up on, that you can look back 5 years from now and shout “YES! WE MADE IT.” That sense of achievement, you will never feel in big companies nor job abroad, in same manner as you would feel when turning start-ups to next Facebook or Apple or another big corp.
One life, don’t waste it. One youthfulness, don’t settle too quick.