Do I need to change?
When should I change?
Or, why should I even change? Why can’t I be myself? Or, can I be?
Everyone of you must have gone through such sort of wonders, now and then, especially when others press you to change.
But then, you have heard many times “BE YOURSELF,” which sounds so right but others can’t take your true self and instead expect you to change, and you wonder what to do.
That confusion is because you probably have not understood that two-word philosophy itself.
To begin with, put yourself into this:
Mr. John is a complete asshole. He is rude, he does not care about others feeling. He actually enjoys seeing people suffer, a sadist guy. He can’t stick to one relationship for long. He smokes, he drinks. All in all, he is a man that barely anyone likes to befriend or date.
Now, ask yourself, should Mr. John remain as he is or change?
If your answer is he should change, then you are wrong. You are no different than people who expects you to change.
“John is a complete asshole, he is rude, blah blah blah” per whose definition? Based on whose standard? He is not committing any crime, cops is not behind him, he is not harming anyone. He is just living his life as it pleases him. WHY SHOULD HE CHANGE? just because no one could fit into his life neither a friend nor a date? Or because to live by your expectations and set of standards?
Hope you got the point. So, let’s jump into BE YOURSELF
Be yourself is a philosophy rooted to individualism. Individualism is the moral stance, political philosophy, ideology, or social outlook that emphasizes the moral worth of the individual. Individualists promote the exercise of one’s goals and desires and so value independence and self-reliance and advocate that interests of the individual should achieve precedence over the state or a social group, while opposing external interference upon one’s own interests by society or institutions such as the government.
The whole idea behind the BE YOURSELF is that you owe your own shit. Good or bad, you live the consequences. Humans by nature change per the situation and circumstances or desires and wants. When it truly happens so, you will change anyway. If you don’t, nature will take care of you. But until then, being yourself is the key, because when you remain as you are, first you signal out your true self to others, making others life easy to make up their mind about you. Secondly, you live the process and that’s the most comforting, most joyful and most peaceful state, because you will grow organically as your are supposed to.
You don’t need to change a thing in you unless you truly desire so. If you are fat, be yourself. If you are introvert, be yourself. If you are jerk, be yourself. If you are a geek, be yourself. Don’t try to change just to fit in or accepted by others.
Yes, you may lose people from your life who does not like you for your true self. But hey, someone of your type will join you anyway. Be yourself.
What if those people are my family, my relatives, my loved ones? Well, that’s a tough choice you need to make. Either be yourself and let them decide what to do with you. Or, you fit into their expectation and standard and live and act per them. Both have own pros and cons. Which option will you choose, you are to decide.
In short, BE YOURSELF is a philosophy that tells you to be original as you are, even if that means being different, not meeting others norms and standards, not fitting into others expectations.
Be you. The world will adjust.
Culture of Gratitude and appreciation
What is Gratitude and why it’s important for every individual and how it helps in creating a healthy and happy society?
Gratitude, or in simple term, thankfulness or gratefulness, is one of the greatest of virtues. As William James said, “the deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.” Humans generally do thing for their own pleasure and satisfaction or per their own need and goals; however, there is always a receiving end who benefits from the action. A singer sings for his/her own pleasure and satisfaction, but the receiving end gets the entertainment. A writer writes for his/her own reason but the receiving end gets the knowledge and perspective. A shopkeeper sells for his/her own reason but the receiving end gets the stuff. A social activist fights for the cause but beneficiaries of the victory are the victims.
The importance of gratitude culture is, it motivates and encourages the giving end and cultivates humility and humbleness in receiving end. When you say “thank you,” to a shopkeeper for selling you a bag of rice, he feels appreciated, motivated and encouraged and same time, you cultivate a culture within you to value everyone because of who you are able to get the thing, be it free or paid.
Gratitude works as a key to joy for both sides. Humans have been practicing gratitude since the beginning of humanity. That’s where all the thankfulness act and ritual to God came in to practice. Humans expressed their gratitude to God for the foods on table, for having the children, for having the fortune. Even many modern research and study has suggested that people who are more grateful have higher levels of subjective well-being. Grateful people are happier, less depressed, less stressed, and more satisfied with their lives and social relationships. That’s because people who express gratefulness to others for whatever they got or they have become have higher level of empathy and humility, which makes them less arrogant and obnoxious.
Think like this, there are two friends, Person A and Person B. Both of them are listening a song by Sajjan Raj Vaidhya. Person A holds an attitude of gratefulness to Sajjan Raj Vaidhya for composing songs and uploading them on YouTube so that he could listen and feel good. Person B holds an attitude that Sajjan Raj Vaidhya is doing for his own name and fame and there is nothing to feel grateful for. Just suck the benefit and forget. Who do you think is more happy in life?
In a society where gratitude is not a collective value, where there is no culture of appreciation, such society tends to be more arrogant, disconnected from each others, and less happy, as people from the receiving end lack humility and the giving end lack motivation. Think of a society as a family, where every one hesitates to appreciate each others work or effort; acts cold and numb versus a family where they express their gratitude actively, appreciate every work and effort and take a moment to thank and value each member for whatever they bring to the table. Which family do you want to belong to?
Gratitude also works as a positive reinforcement motivating to keep doing and get better with what they have been doing and been appreciated for. Put yourself in the shoes of writer or singer or teacher or social activist or even a shopkeeper and think how you will feel when someone says something like “thank you so much for doing it, because of which I am able to …..” Your self esteem will definitely boost and be more determined to get much better.
A society without the culture of appreciation and gratitude will only be hanging in lack of humility and motivation and driven only by self-centric attitude with zero regard and appreciation to others. There will be lack of acknowledgement of anyone’s importance and essence; no culture of valuing any effort and attempt by others and everyone judging everyone through shallow and narrow point of view, making it all about trading.
It does not take anything to express thank you or acknowledge gratefulness or drop a word of appreciation. Try it!
Quick Read: Feel if you can’t heal
World is weird with so many shades of grey and somewhere in the shades, there lies weirdos, too hard to fix. Call them crazy, call them psycho, call them drama queen or call them bitch, but they are what they are. Wish they could fix them, but they know they can’t.
Maybe, they too wish to be “normal” like everybody else, who can control their thoughts and actions, can calculate and pretend, but no. If they could, they would not be weird in first place, would not get into trouble, get into controversy. Maybe they scream in their lonesome “why am I born like this?” but even that feeling does not last long as mood swings from one pole to another.
Some of the kind happen to be famous or popular for their talents or sheer luck, but then they are what they are.
“Oh! the poor soul, there goes again …pissing off fans and crowds” Managers get tired, family gets embarrassed, turning off admirers and the “normal people”
Jim Morrison from the movie “The Doors” can be a perfect example. If you have not watched the movie, highly recommended.
It’s very hard for others to understand them except their loved ones or near ones. And to add ghee in the fire, there comes drugs, boozes, cigs and cannabis, messing up the already messed up head.
What others see is an arrogant, uncultured wild beast and bitch. Deep inside, however, they are burning with erratic moods every now and then, racing thoughts and clouded head. They hating themselves to live like an unpredictable clown; tried therapy, tried pills, but nothing seems working except for few days.
God knows, how many times they have cried out loud “How long to live like this??” inside an asylum that no body was told.
When you find one, be nice to them.
Okay now listen the song
We are poor because we hate money
“If you hate rich people, if you hate money, if you hate how economy works, you are destined to die poor,” a wise man once told.
During my recent Bangalore visit, I got to meet some start-up founders. One of them was a lady probably in her mid-20s. Her company is into digital marketing. They call themselves “branding experts” and they claim themselves to be “quite creative.” I went through couple of videos made by them and also couple of their works. They also do social media marketing. I asked, “how much do you guys charge for handling a page?” She said “depends…starts from 2 lakhs.” She employees 15+ people in her start-up.
Met another team who runs a research company. They charge anywhere between 5-25 lakhs for conducting a market research. Likewise, had also met entrepreneurs, business enthusiasts, freelancers. They all have similar stories, similar spirits and passion and they all are hungry for money, bold enough for money.
By meeting them and listening and checking out their works, I didn’t find myself small or inferior, nor I find people from my hometown less creative or less talented, but I noticed there is something in them that we don’t have. That is, guts to throw numbers, guts to dream big numbers, guts to chase numbers. Personally, my heart would tremble to ask 6-digit fee for a consultancy or a month-long research and there they are, asking the number just for a social media handling.
By the time, they start their business, they are in few crore valuation. In a year or two, 10 cr company. In 5 years, 100 cr company. That’s the trend and target, they all are up to. On the way back home, I was thinking, why do we fear so much to dream big numbers? why do we tremble? why are we so cheap? why do we settle with peanuts? and many similar questions. Maybe because we grew up thinking as if it’s insane to think big numbers, chase big numbers. We label it with madness, greed, and what not all. Maybe in all these, I am somehow psychologically and culturally programmed to think big, dream big, ask big. In this mindblock and hesitation, I die.