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Lessons Learned: How To Deal With Haters

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By:  Lakshya S

Follow @lakshyanepali

Running a social media page, that dares to hit all aspects of life and society, has somehow put me in the shoes of celebrities once in a while.  I learned how fans speak to, how much they idealise, and then I learned how people with different mindsets hit you and try to kneel you down, I learned how some don’t leave an opportunity to drag you down whenever you make a mistake.  I learned praisers and critics are part of our life.  But then, there comes the assholes — THE HATERS.  You don’t see them anywhere around during your initial days but as you grow, you will start to feel their presence.  More you grow, more the haters.  They are your haters and they hate you for anything.  They just don’t need a reason.

Before I began my journey as a blogger/writer, social media activist, I barely had any hater.  I am soft and humble person by nature and I used to think no one can hate me.  Then I began my journey, it was well and good.  I used to talk to every follower, hi and hello, it was all good.  Thousand followers, and then became 2000 and then three and then 5000, and I began feeling their presence.  By the time, I reached 35K, I started feeling the pressure.  I could see — There is always someone to make mountain of mole.  There is always someone disagreeing with you.  There is always someone laughing at you.  There is always someone misunderstanding you.  Here, I learned the first important thing.

1.  Don’t create black and white folder of lovers and haters

Just because someone does not agree with you, that does not necessarily mean is your hater.  Between white (lovers) and black (haters), there is a grey zone and one must understand and value the grey zone.  Inside this grey zone, there comes critics, there comes people with opposite beliefs, there comes those innocent people who find it hard to understand you.  They are not your hater.  They are simply a different kind.  Overtime, I learned to respect the grey zone and never label them as hater.

But grey zoners are the one that haters ride on and feed on.  Say for example, I wrote an article on “why Nepal should be a secular country,” and say a grey zoner wrote back disagreeing with me.  BINGO! Haters join, just to take the opposite side and start bashing me.  That one comment, haters make best use of.  They like the comment, they show their supports to the comment, they abuse and insult writer referencing the comment.  They build a momentum riding on the grey zoner.

So, what this has taught me, second most important thing

2.  Get your grey zoners close

If it is online world, mail them, talk to them, try to convey your message or clarify your stances respecting his/her views.  Agree to disagree in gentleman’s way.  They are not there to fight you.  They just want to speak their mind on the topic.

In real world, those grey zoners can be your friends, parents, some relatives, who don’t agree with you or don’t like certain sides of yours, not because they hate you but because they perceive those sides of yours as wrong sides and thus need to be told.

Whether online world or real world, all you gotta do is bring them closer to you, make them understand you, convince them that you value them and respect their concerns and ideas.  Just create a positive relationship, irrespective of differences.

BUT THEN, there comes a twist.  Not all grey zoners want to get closer, and that’s totally to be cool with.  Here is the third lesson.

3.  You need some critics in life

No one can be always right.  Life is a constant process of learning, and learning comes from mistakes and others advices and suggestions, and experiences of self and others.  Also, life is very diverse and sometimes you need alternative views and perspectives to refine your own thought process.  This is where critics are needed.  If fans are fuel, critics are engine oil.  Let there be some critics.

Nonetheless, nothing is awesome than fans and followers.  They are like a lover.  They love you, adore you, admire you, constantly motivate you, always caring and boosting you.  So much of positive energy.  As I said above, they are the fuel that keeps me moving.  Here is the fourth lesson.


4.  Your fans and followers are your troops, keep them closer

Or, in other word, they are your blessings.  Count them, appreciate them.  I am often told by page followers that what made Kmag dearing to them is how Kmag interacts to them.  This is same with real world.  I value my admirers.  I stay in touch with them, care about them, listen to them.  I treat them the way they deserve for all unconditional love and supports.

Now, here I am.  I got lovers, white-side leaning grey zoners, grey zoners and black-side leaning grey zoners and HATERS.

So, let’s talk haters.
I often say to people that if you have not gotten haters, you haven’t really grown.

“Where do these haters come from?? WHY can’t they just ignore?? Why are they so mean and disrespectful despite of all the good things I do?” These used to be my questions when i was bugged down by haters and energy suckers.  As I grew more matured,  I figured out that there are 4 kinds of haters.
  1.  Your competitors.
  2.  Losers.
  3.  Attention seekers.
  4.  Psychos.

Life is competition.  Gain of yours is loss of somebody.  When I gain readers, it probably means I took readers from somebody.  Kmag page becoming popular means taking the newsfeed space of some other pages.  Same with any other business or career.  Your growth is someone’s stagnancy.  This is why you attract haters as you grow.  As I said above, if you got no hater, you haven’t really grown yet.

Now, these competitors cannot come and kill you.  It’s illegal.  So, what they do is, they try to hurt your psyche, discourage you, scare you, defame you.  They are just waiting for the chance to laugh at you and lower your esteem and growth.  Here, another lesson that I learned.

5.  Don’t get cosy with competitors

Expecting competitors to be nice to you, be your good friend, etc etc is the most foolish thing you can ever attempt for.  You are defying the fundamental law of nature here.  Getting competitors closer is increasing the chance of getting back stabbed.

Haters in the form of competitors, are part of your competitive life.  Just stay away from them.  Don’t fight, don’t bad mouth, don’t do anything.  They want you to lose your cool, they want you to feel weak and tired.  Just ignore and keep walking, keep moving.

Now comes another kinds.  The LOSERS.

Human mind is con.  Body is just a robot, the servant of mind.  Losers are constantly in search of points and examples to feel good about themselves.  If they don’t find, they create one.  They just need that to convince themselves that they are no less worthy.  Once you succeed, they just can’t believe that coz they had failed terribly and you didn’t.  They never thought that you would grow this big, reach this far; they had totally underestimated you and they feel terribly bad to accept how their judgment and prediction went wrong.  So, they do try to soothe themselves by searching faults in you, searching flaws in your works.  After all, no one is perfect and there will always be something to point fingers at and losers just are too good to find that.  Here is my another lesson.

6.  Don’t feed or poke losers’ ego

See, these losers are coming around you to feed their ego, to feel good about themselves.  The reason they are the way they are is that very same ego.  Don’t do or say anything that pokes or pricks that ego of them.    Losers are to be left behind.  They live with defence mechanism and you can’t help them.  Just ignore them and focus on constructive criticism and advices and suggestions from others.

Then comes the attention seeker one.

Yes attention seekers can make a good hater.  They are this sad soul who think spewing hates is way to get attention than praising and appreciating.  So, what they do is, they just throw their tantrums, say bad things to you, shout at you, insult you.  And they do this just to get your attention or attention of your followers.  What I have learned to do is,

7.  Block them temporarily

Actually blocking, I advice to do against all haters, from competitors to psychos.  However, psychos are to be blocked permanently and rest to play accordingly.

Attention seekers I block temporarily just to give them a lesson that their tantrums don’t get them my attention.  It’s like training a dog.  When you temporarily block them, and release them back, they try not to throw hate-filled tantrums coz they know the consequence and they don’t want that.

Same applies for real world — just disconnect/detach for time being.

Now comes the PSYCHOTICS.

Psychopaths, sociopaths are all around, some are hiding behind a fake FB account, some are with real; the anti-social turds.  There is nothing you can do to these poor unfortunate souls.  Lesson, advice, empathy, morals, ethics, nothing go inside their head, nothing can inspire them.  That’s why they are the way they are.  I prefer permanently blocking them, just like in real world, how you go for  restraining order against the person.

I often see some trying so hard to please haters, impress haters, try to gain appreciation from haters.  Me having a soft corner, I too used to and then I learned the last lesson on topics.


8.  Get busy with lovers, let haters hating you

Haters know what they are doing.  They don’t like you.  They hate you for this version of you.  That’s why they are your haters.  They celebrate your misery, they celebrate your loss, they celebrate your pain and suffering.  Pleading for mercy, begging to leave you alone, is just waste of time, waste of energy.  Use that time and energy for those that love you, that care for you.  Reward them, treat them, appreciate them, stay in touch with them.  Listen to critics, listen to different believers, learn and let learn.

Best thing happens with all these healthy activities of yours is, your lovers will take care of your haters, those critics will take care of those haters.  End of the day, you shine in history, haters vanish with time.

Last but not the least.  Almost all interactive websites have profanity filter, so the Facebook.  It’s always good to make use of them.  Facebook has one more option for page and that is called “page moderation” where you can insert words that you don’t like to see in comment threads.  For instance, you don’t like to be called “Muji” you can just put that world in ‘Page moderation” list and anyone that uses the word while commenting, the comment automatically gets hidden for others except page owner.


In summary,

A life constitutes of lovers, admirers, followers, critics, dislikers, and haters.  Growth comes with haters.  Even Buddha had haters.  Go to YouTube and check the most respected song, it is disliked by some.  Go check amazing videos of blind singing or amputated person rock climbing, still there are some who had hit dislike button.  They are always there.

Maybe, haters are to remind you how great you are to have all those lovers and admirers and followers.  Maybe, to teach you difference between constructive criticism and hatreds, and thus not to miss the essence of those constructive criticism.

Or, maybe nature is testing you to see if you deserve the next role or not.  Mother nature does not like weak and incompetent.  Be strong, be focused, keep moving, keep doing what you are good at, surrounding yourself with positive energy and positive people.  Those negative people and energy will decay eventually.

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Knowledge & Infos

What’s Special Today: November 10

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Chhath:

Historically native to the Indian states of Bihar, eastern Uttar Pradesh and Jharkhand and the southern part of Nepal, Chhath is one of those festivals that transcends the caste system that exists in the society. According to the Hindu calendar, it is celebrated on the sixth day of the lunar month of Kartik. The Chhath Puja is a 4-day long ritual specially offered to the solar deity, Surya, to show thankfulness for good health, good life and to request the granting of some certain wishes.

Day 1: On the first day, the devotees after bathing clean their house and eat the food that is offered to the god to protect the mind from the vengeful tendency.

Day 2: On the second day, the devotees are not allowed to drink even a single drop of water but, in the evening, they eat kheer made up of jaggery, fruits.

Day 3: The evening of the third day which is also known as sandhya ‘arghya’ day where a bamboo basket is decorated with various puja materials, fruits, thekuwa, and laddus which are offered as an ‘argya’ to the Sun. Also, the Chhathi Maiya is worshipped.

Day 4: On the last day of Chhath puja again an arghya is offered to the Sun God but this time in the morning. The devotees go to the riverbank to offer arghya to the rising sun and break their fast and conclude their four-day long worship.

Happy Chhath to everyone! Don’t forget to enjoy some thekuwas!!

World Keratoconus Day:

Every year on November 10, World Keratoconus Day is celebrated to focus global attention on keratoconus and ectatic corneal disorders. The day was first celebrated by National Keratoconus Foundation.

Keratoconus is a disease that causes the cornea to become weak, leading to the thinning and stretching of the cornea, which may result in the loss of vision. Keratoconus is degeneration of the structure of the cornea. The shape of the cornea slowly changes from the normal round shape to a cone shape which affects the vision. The keratoconus mainly develops in teenagers and young adults and the disease keeps on growing, if not diagnosed in time.  

The disease has no prevention and no treatment. With early diagnosis, the disease can be managed and further damage can be protected. In Nepal, the prevalence of Keratoconus is 1 in 2000 according to the recent journal. So, this world keratoconus day, make a commitment to visit an eye doctor once a year for the early diagnosis of keratoconus as well as other eye diseases.

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KMAG Online Writing Workshop reading materials

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Day 1

Covers communication and types of writing. Please check the following articles.

  1. What is communication and how to communicate effectively?
  2. Types of Writing

Also, check out: How miscommunication happens (and how to avoid it)

Day 2

Covers content management system/WordPress, and how to introduce yourself. Please check the following articles.

  1. What is WordPress and How to work in WordPress
  2. How to introduce yourself.

Day 3-5

Covers the basics of expository writing and CV writing.

Day 6

Covers persuasive writing.Please check the following articles.

  1. HOW TO WRITE AN OP-ED: A STEP BY STEP GUIDE
  2. Handout of video class.

Day 7-9

Covers how to write research-based opinion writing.

  1. How to frame an argument
  2. How to write an opinion piece

Day 10

Personal journal writing (my diary)

Day 11-13

Figure of speech and rhetoric.

Day 14-16

How to frame questions.

  1. Art of questioning

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Types of Figure of Speech with examples (Part 1)

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Accumulation

Accumulation is a figure of speech, in which the points made previously are presented again in a compact, forceful manner. It often employs the use of climax in the summation of a speech.

Examples:

  1. We learned communication, we learned types of writing, we learned rhetoric, we learned figure of speech. In all this, we made new friends, we spent hours together.
  2. He founded Nepal; fought for unification, fought for diversity. Leaving wife and child home, he set to occupy the land of people, land of flowers and trees. And he built a country that we call Nepal.
  3. Your organization, your vigilance, your devotion to duty, your zeal for the cause must be raised to the highest intensity.” Winston Churchill, Speech, 14 July 1941. (This sentence comes after a lengthy passage in which Churchill warns the public that their courage and effort are still needed to defeat the enemy).

Adomination

A figure of speech that refers to the repetition of words with the same root word.

Examples:

  1. I will be somewhere, someday, settled with somebody in some place.
  2. I am nobody, reaching no where in this no man’s land.
  3. In the vastness of universe, I am vastly clueless.

Alliteration

A literary stylistic device, where a series of words in a row have the same first consonant sound.

Examples:

  1. Nepalese never nag about Nepal not nationalising.
  2. Looks like lion likes licking lizard.
  3. Come count my comb.

Adynaton

A figure of speech in the form of hyperbole taken to such extreme lengths as to insinuate a complete impossibility.

Examples:

  1. I will meet you when sun rises from west.
  2. Before I finish the work, I will grow a horn.
  3. Stone will talk but she won’t.

Anacoluthon

Derives from the Greek word anakolouthon, literally means “lacking sequence”, is a figure of speech which consists in the abrupt disruption in syntax. Opens in new window resulting from two non-parallel grammatical constructions.

Examples:

  1. I am hungry – have you never played football?
  2. I miss the burgher at – did you see my daughter?
  3. Never in my life – what’s in your mind?

Anadiplosis

The repetition of the last word of a preceding clause. The word is used at the end of a sentence and then used again at the beginning of the next sentence..

Examples:

  1. It’s midnight. Midnight with stars. Stars with the moon. Moon looking at my window. Window hiding me.
  2. “Fear leads to angerAnger leads to hateHate leads to suffering.”
  3. “Your beliefs become your thoughtsyour thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.”

Anaphora

A rhetorical device that consists of repeating a sequence of words at the beginnings of neighboring clauses, thereby lending them emphasis.

Examples:

  1. When you felt like giving up, when you felt like crying, when you felt like hitting the wall, just do it.
  2. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way
  3. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.’ I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state, sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today.

Anastrophe

A figure of speech in which the normal word order of the subject, the verb, and the object is changed.

Examples:

  1. Instead of I like Nepal, “Nepal I like.”
  2. World I want to change.
  3. I, her will keep loving till the end

Anti-Climax

It is when a specific point, expectations are raised, everything is built-up and then suddenly something boring or disappointing happens.

Examples:

  1. He killed the king, freed the people, and took the sword and killed himself.
  2. People, pets, batteries, … all are dead.
  3. He loved her so much …he killed her.

Anthimeria

is the usage of a word in a new grammatical form, most often the usage of a noun as a verb.

Examples:

  1. Can you please google to find out the meaning of “anthimeria”? (google is actually noun)
  2. The thunder would not peace at my bidding.
  3. Let’s do some eating. (verb being used as noun)

Antimetabole

the repetition of words in successive clauses, but in transposed order.

Examples:

  1. Eat to live, not live to eat
  2. All crime is vulgar, just as all vulgarity is crime.
  3. Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.

Antistrophe

The repetition of the same word or words at the end of successive phrases, clauses or sentences.

Examples:

  1. There is no Negro problem. There is no Southern problem. There is no Northern problem. There is only an American problem.
  2. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
  3. Nepal is beautiful. Nepalese are beautiful. Her style is beautiful. Her heart is beautiful.

Antithesis

is used in writing or speech either as a proposition that contrasts with or reverses some previously mentioned proposition, or when two opposites are introduced together for contrasting effect.

Examples:

  1. I am rich man who longs for a poverty.
  2. When in war, we long for peace; when in peace, we long for war.
  3. Let’s play with the fire to feel the rain.

Aphorismus

It often appears in the form of a rhetorical question which is meant to imply a difference between the present thing being discussed and the general notion of the subject. Statement that calls into question the definition of a word.

Examples:

  1. You eat meat and you call yourself animal lover?.
  2. How can you call this country a peaceful country when everywhere is chaos?.
  3. How am I even a writer with this kind of writing?

Aposiopesis

A figure of speech wherein a sentence is deliberately broken off and left unfinished, the ending to be supplied by the imagination, giving an impression of unwillingness or inability to continue.

Examples:

  1. Please leave my home or else – !.
  2. I want to go home now. If not.
  3. And she left with. I don’t even want to share.

Apposition

Apposition is a grammatical construction in which two elements, normally noun phrases, are placed side by side and so one element identifies the other in a different way.

Examples:

  1. Nepal, my home, is where I want to die.
  2. My brother, Mr. Suresh, is joining me.
  3. Mr. Oli, a famous politician, is giving a speech.

Assonance

Repetition of vowel sounds

Examples:

  1. Reave, please leave.
  2. Hire and fire.
  3. Write so bright that it will frighten right.

ASTEISMUS (not needed but know it anyway)

he rhetorical term for achieving polite or soft mockery whereby the replier catches a sensitive word and redirects it back to the interlocutor with an unexpected twist. Example:

  • Judge: You’re charged with vagrancy. Are you guilty or not guilty?
    Ollie: Not guilty, Your Highness.
    Judge: On what grounds?
    Stan: We weren’t on the grounds. We were sleeping on the park bench.

Asyndeton

A literary scheme in which one or several conjunctions are deliberately omitted from a series of related clauses.

Examples:

  1. He ran, he climbed, he conquered .
  2. I wanted to participate, i made it.
  3. Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth.

Cataphora

Co-reference of one expression with another expression which follows it, in which the latter defines the first. 

Examples:

  1. If you want to eat something, there is pizza in the freeze.
  2. If you want her, she is Ms. Lisa.
  3. He is an idiot. He is a douche. He is lazy. He is my friend, Nishant.

Climax

a figure of speech in which words, phrases, or clauses are arranged in order of increasing importance. Or say, a figure of speech in which successive words, phrases, clauses, or sentences are arranged in ascending order of importance, as in “Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Superman!”

Examples:

  1. When there is job, when there is peace, and when there is love, happiness occurs.
  2. We want freedom, liberty and democracy.
  3. Men and women are equal, but above, it’s the responsibility.

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