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Monologue: Stuck in a country

If Covid-19 has done anything good to me, then that is, it has burst the hyperpositivism and optimism bubble that I had been living in and showing me the harsh reality that I am to deal with as a citizen of this country. And I hardheartedly questioned myself “Does this country belong to me?” To whom this country best suited for? Is this country for all or only for certain class and group?



Yesterday, I was lining up for petrol in a petrol pump run by Nepal Police in Naxal. Petrol price has hit Rs. 102. In this slowing economy, that 5 rupees hike means a lot to me. As I was standing, I saw a government-plate Scorpio coming to fill the petrol with an officer inside. “He does not feel the heat, how lucky he is.” I said to myself. Somewhere nearby, I could see some well-groomed police officers off the uniform walking around. “At least, these guys have a job that they don’t have to worry to lose. How lucky they too are.” I remembered a traffic police telling me, “we barely get 25K. What is 25K in Kathmandu?” I now think of all the teachers, journalists, bank employees, and many other people who would barely get 15-20K salary and that too is gone as they have lost job. At least, the traffic dai is lucky. He does not lose the job.

I left from the petrol pump but throughout, I was keeping my eyes on road like a hungry man starring at restaurants. When I see private cars, I would think who are these lucky people, what work they do, how they get money. I look around the buildings which would earn the owners lakhs in rent. “WOW! How lucky they are.” An army vehicle just passed by me. “Another lucky people whose life is set.” The army vehicle was actually escorting minister’s vehicle followed by few other vehicles. I could see some happy face inside the vehicle. There were a guy of my age, and a woman of my mother’s age. I don’t know who they are but I just could not stop thinking of my mom and her worries. “Damn! what did this guy do to get to that seat and that woman, that I and my mom failed to.”

In the pavement, there were people walking with raincoat or umbrella on. In those buildings, there were shop keepers and proprietors waiting for the customers to come in a grim face, and I could feel the financial stress that they are grappled in. In some corners, there were cigarette shops and even a woman as a street vendor selling corn under her umbrella and many other bikers and pillion riders like me, half drenched in raincoat. I know many people are still missed to be seen, because there are no public vehicles yet in operation and they are probably stuck in their home or hometown with zero earning.

To put it in a social class — the ruling class, the upper class, the middle class, the working class, I could witness while riding by bike that I am not able to give for servicing for so long.

This kind of social hierarchy isn’t new and not something only to exist in our country. India has, US has, Australia has, any human society has. My concern is not about how some of us are more privileged and having more secured and comfortable life. My concern is how small fraction of people are only having the comfort and living a financially secured life in this country while rests are suffering. And what bothers me the most is that no one is bothered, as if everyone is settled with “this is how it is.”

More I think, more I feel like this country belongs to.

  1. Government employees and state-funded individuals and groups.
  2. People with good enough inherited properties in Nepal.
  3. Those with well paying jobs in financial institutions, NGO/INGOs.
  4. Good political networks.
  5. Too smart to build a good rapport with all 4 above and find a way to leech on.

I wonder what percentage of Nepal’s population fall in that Lucky 5. Maybe, 1%.

I don’t belong to any of them. I belong to the rests who need to pay taxes from bike to recharge cards to anything I consume and use, so that those 5 above and their children and dependents can have a comfortable life. Fundamentally, it’s pretty much the king’s era, where you work hard to enrich your king and his kins and clans. You can never dream to be as privileged as king and his kins and clans, as rich as king and his kins and clans. You are peasants, born to breed, raise kids, serve kings, and if you are lucky enough, kings will build something in your town, or else you die just like every other peasants without experiencing anything beyond your peasant standard.

If you belong to any of the 5 above, it’s very hard for you to relate what his post is saying. You may feel, I am envious, jealous. You may even quick to say “go work hard, study hard instead of complaining.” No darling, you can’t understand me. Only the rests that don’t belong to the above 5 know, we have been working very hard for so long, studied hard, been doing everything hoping to have a comfortable life where we could grant a comfortable life for our parents, for our children and for ourselves. Go ask all the shopkeepers and small business runners who have been running their business for 20+ years, if their hard work has given them the comfort and privilege of those 5. Go ask all the working people who has to jump from one private job to another, what fortune and career growth did their study granted them? No I am not envious or jealous. How can I be? I am half dead. All I could do is wish i was not born in this country and instead born somewhere that even being in the 99%, I still could dream big, plan big, think big; plan a vacation, buy a nice pair of clothes, add some gadgets in home even with my regular job, regular work. And in worst time, I have the support network. But no, that does not happen here because as said above, you gotta be King or his kins and clans to grant a cushion.

I seriously thought this country would be better after the new constitution, hoping that would bring an inclusive growth; thought we would progress more, modernize more, where we all would be equal with equal access to resource, same level of opportunity, same amount of protection and what not all. But now I feel, we only have changed the constitution, replaced the kings and their kins and clans but have not changed anything. Fundamentally, we are still the same.

This country’s message is more louder and clearer everyday — If you want to have a better life, either be one of us or submit yourself to one of us.

If you can’t, get lost!!

By the way, you got a bike. What are you complaining?” Yea right, middle class can’t complain here as I am supposed to satisfy seeing at poor people’s sufferings.

Just like one of you who happened to be a founder of Kaagmandu Magazine

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Arts & Literature





“Marry me”


“Because I love you. I have good income. I got good personality. I will be an awesome husband and father.”

“Aww. You are so sweet. So, are we living separately or with your parents after marriage?”

“With my parents. Can’t leave them.”

“Cool. I am in a situation then. Here, I am not marrying only you but also your parents. Healthy and sustainable relationship is where there is shared values and respects, love and intimacy, freedom and liberty. You being understanding isn’t enough. Your parents too should be understanding. So can you please ask your parents if they too want me under the following terms:
1. I don’t want to sleep separately while in menses. Your parents should not have problem with that.
2. I am first a human, then only somebody’s wife, somebody’s daughter-in-law and so on. In winter, I too feel cold. In summer, I too feel hot. I too feel bored and lazy once in a while. I too feel like taking a long nap when tired. I too have my own line of thoughts and logics. I want to be treated and understood as human first and let me go with my comfort here I need it the most.
3. Like how I am marrying you embracing all your flaws and imperfections, I want to be married by your house embracing all my flaws and imperfections.
4. I am fine if your parents don’t want to look after anything, from kitchen to household chores, but they shouldn’t be dictating how I should do my works and play my roles. Likewise, they shouldn’t have problem with you helping me out.
5. I love to befriend your relatives but I have my own way of doing that, which may not be in a traditional way and they should trust my way of doing that.
6. I have my own sense of dressing and I know how to carry myself maintaining my class and modesty. Hope that freedom of choice will be respected.
7. When I am married to you, I by law and by heart committed to you and I don’t need to prove that by always wearing sindur and pote.
8. Last but not the least, I marry you to build a family with shared values and my values and principles are strictly inclined to how a modern educated family should be. I can’t live with cognitive dissonance. So, ask them please if we can align in terms of that.

“Baby, they are bit traditional. We will adjust ni. They aren’t going to live forever.”

“I don’t want a life where I need to wish for someone’s death or wait for someone to die to live my life as it pleases me. Nor I want to plan abroad just to escape the world I couldn’t fight. I am here to stay, live and die in this beautiful country with the man I will be married to.”

“Don’t think so much. Just give a try.”

“I am not thinking. I am just being honest and putting my terms as it is. I make sure you enjoy the same freedom and liberty without being judged from my side of family and relatives. Here, I am not marrying just you but your family too. I should let them know what they are signing up for. I don’t want to marry to end up in divorce nor I want to marry to separate parents from their son.”

“I am there to understand, don’t create complication please.”

“Only you understanding me will not be enough when we share our house with two other humans with their own set of values and beliefs.”

He could not speak to his parents about the talk. She found someone who could and agreed to.

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Arts & Literature

Anime is not only for kids



Comic books was part of my growing up, and then came English movies and series. I am that “Government school guy,” which means my English was terrible (it still is but it was worst). Thanks to the subtitles, I would watch anyway and with time, things started getting smoother and easier for me as English didn’t seem that hard. Until now, I was still a Hollywood fanboy. It’s only after meeting that one friend in college, who happened to be a big fan of anime, that I learned about that thing. At first, like everybody else, I thought anime is cartoons made for kids. The friend introduced me to anime world, and through him, I learned that there is this one anime called “One Punch Man” that anime community is going gaga about. So, I got curious by the title and gave a shot. Guess what? I got hooked with anime like magnet to iron. And here I am giving my opinion about anime and why it is superior form of entertainment in this world filled with movies and TV shows. Yes, SUPERIOR!

So, what is anime?

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Anime is just the animated motion picture version of comic book called Manga. Manga is the original source materials for the anime. It is a picture book with all the actions, dialogues, and everything that a comic book contains produced by exceptionally good and creative artists. It can differ from simple kid shows to shows which deals with heavy real world politics too.

The original source of these mangas and anime are from Japan but nowadays it’s spreading into other countries like Korea and China too. Mangas and anime are so popular in Japanese culture that it is part of school curriculum.

My recommendation

There are lots of high quality animes out there. Some of my favourites are:

One Piece

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This is my favourite among all the favourites. This was first published around the year 1999. The storyline is about pirates and their shenanigans. It’s kind of light hearted with touch of comedy but it actually sends out the message related to an oppression of the people by those from a higher power; it covers racism, slavery; shows what real freedom feels like, so for people who like deep characterization, value of friendship, value of dream and tackle of real world problems, then this show is definitely for you.

Death Note

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This is another boundary breaking show. It gives the message that if you do bad things with good intention for good of the people, it’s still bad. This anime is about hero who wants to save others, and a psychopath who will kill all for achieving peace. It is detective-type story with main character being Kagami Light and Detective L. So for people who like cat-mouse race story, this show is definitely for you. This anime generally falls under starter pack for new comer in anime world.

Demon Slayer

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It’s not boundary breaking in terms of characterization or in a story too but its boundary breaking in animation. When it first came out, people lost their mind over its animation. With awesome cinematography using excellent animation, this anime defined the new era in anime world. So, those who like to feel the evolution of anime world should not miss this one to feel the differences and how anime world changed with time.

The Promised Neverland

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This anime belongs to the horror genre and took the genre to a whole new level. It has simple story with no as such monsters like creature, but it deals with a bunch of kids from age 4/5 to 12 years old, who are kind of genius for their age and are trying to run away from their orphanage which they found out is the place meant to harvest these kids for the monsters living out in the world. If you like horror genre then this shows is definitely for you and its animation is also of topnotch.

Okay, I am done! Now go check out on your own some of the best animes available and you know will what I meant. All I can say for now is, if you are multimedia entertainment fan then anime is something you have been missing for a long time. Containing entertainment of every genre, with topnotch cinematography using crisp animation and dealing with real world problem in a very subtle and metaphorical way, then anime is what you need to watch right now. Go watch it.

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Arts & Literature

Facebook love, it was complicated




Hey” was her first message
I’ll be always there” was the last
Between those, there were lots of messages
That’s the story of love in pieces

Good morning” was how it all used to start
Go sleep, pineapple dream” was how it used to end
Between those, there were lots of greetings
That’s the story of love in pieces

Can we meet?” was how she took the first step
It was nice meeting you” was how I took my chance
Between those, there were lots of giggles and talks
That’s the story of love in pieces

I won’t be available, take care of yourself” was what used to happen
Hey am back” was how it used to restart
Between those, there used to be lots of missing
That’s the story of love in pieces

So many selfies, so many coffees
Park, mall, movies and what not all
Between those, there was a love in making
That’s the story of love in pieces

Happy anniversary…we met last year, FB says
Seriously? How fast times flies”
That used to be big celebration
Between those, there were lots of celebrations on every Day’s and festivals
That’s the story of love in pieces

One day,
She got a message “Hey” from him.
hello there” was her reply to him

This time, that guy was not me.
I don’t know what happened between them,
but in between, we stopped talking.

That’s the story of love in pieces

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