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My rape story

These bone-chilling stories are the reality we live in.  These stories are not shared to amuse us.  They are shared so that we would introspect in individual level and in societal level and feel the untold and unreported horror and do the needful.

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We had asked Kmag page followers to share their rape story and had provided them a google form to fill anonymously.  We have asked them the following questions:

  1.  Gender.
  2. If was an attempted rape or was raped.
  3.  Their age when the incident happened.
  4.  Raped by whom.
  5.  Where the rape had happened.
  6.  Have they reported or talked about it with other ?
  7.  Did the person rape again or was it only once?
  8.  Any other similar incident later in life.
  9.   Do they get to meet the rapist in everyday life
  10.  Detail of the incident.

Here is what we received


Gender: Female
Raped/ Attempted: Attempted.
At the age: 22
Raped By: Boyfriend
Location: Cousins Place
Reported (yes/no): No.
Frequency: 1,
Any other similar incident: No.
If gets to meet the rapist in everyday life? Yes/No:  No

STORY

He was a dominating man. He tried starting touching me and kissing me. I wasn’t ready, I retaliated. He created a big scene in front of my cousin(she knew about my relationship). I was so embarrassed. My cousin got very angry and threatened to call the police. He cried and asked for forgiveness and we forgave him. A year later we broke up, it was a bitter one. He sent message to all my friends and relatives that he slept with me and I asked for it. My character was ruined. This incident still haunts me and I feel this relationship was a big mistake of my life.


Gender: Female
Raped/ Attempted: Touching of intimate parts/molestation
At the age: 6
Raped By:  Cousin
Location: Aunt’s House
Reported (yes/no): Yes.
Frequency: 1,
Any other similar incident: No.
If gets to meet the rapist in everyday life? Yes/No:  Yes

Story

I was pretty much a kid that time. We were playing at my aunt’s house.  I have a very blur memory of it but I remember he asked me to undress myself. I was very young to understand that it was totally wrong so I did so. I remember he ran his fingers all over my body and few minutes later he told me to put on my clothes. I could not decide what actually had happened that particular time.  Few months later I was told by my grand mom that anyone touching your intimate parts is wrong may it be whosoever. Then I had come to know it was wrong. Next time when he asked me to undress me I denied. But I still didn’t know that I had been harassed. It was after 6-7 years when I had started to have knowledge about sex education I realized I had been harassed. I had shared this to only 3 people in my life until now.


Gender: Female
Raped/ Attempted: Raped
At the age: 16
Raped By:  Boyfriend
Location: House
Reported (yes/no): No.
Frequency: 1,
Any other similar incident: No.
If gets to meet the rapist in everyday life? Yes/No:  No

Story

He was my first boyfriend. He was much older than me – about 24 at the time, I was 16. I was home alone and he came to my house. I wasn’t sure if he should have stayed, but I was too timid to say no. Later that night, he coerced me into having sex with him. I was at the end of my periods and I told him so. I was too scared that he’d leave me if I said no directly. I was a fat girl and he was a really good looking guy.  My friends used to tell me that I didn’t deserve him, so I was scared. He kept pressuring me saying he didn’t mind the periods. He then started to touch me, fondled my breasts. I wasn’t very comfortable, but I don’t know maybe my body gave in. Then I said “no, I don’t want this, we shouldn’t do it.”  I was a kid, I remember I couldn’t be very assertive and he took advantage of that. He just kept going. I don’t know how I’m writing this right now. I’ve never told about this to anyone. Matter-of-fact, I’ve tried so hard to forget about it, I’ve probably done a good job, I don’t even remind it to myself anymore. He had sex with me, it was painful and I tried to stop my screams. In my mind, I was too pressurized with the want to “fit in, be wanted”. After he was done, he stayed the night. I stayed up all night. I was dazed, confused at what had happened. I didn’t know what to do. I remembered he had used a condom so I hoped I wouldn’t get pregnant. I broke up with him a couple months later. And it took me a couple years to realize that what had happened was that, in fact, I’d been raped. Now that I look back, I think, perhaps I could’ve stopped him, perhaps I could’ve just not let him in to my house. What if that incident hadn’t happened to me? Now they’ll always remain the “perhaps”, and “what ifs”


Gender: Female
Raped/ Attempted: Attempted
At the age: 13
Raped By:  Neighbor
Location: House
Reported (yes/no): No.
Frequency: 1,
Any other similar incident: No.
If gets to meet the rapist in everyday life? Yes/No:  No

Story

We used to live on a same flat with a TV room shared by both family. It was during school vacation. Both his and mine parents were in office. He was an only child and may be of 15 or 16 of age. I have my elder brother and sister but I don’t recall where they were at that moment, may be playing somewhere outside the house. I was watching TV, some Indian soap opera. He came in the room after playing and sat beside me. We had some normal conversation, like he said to change channel, i denied and asked him to play outside and let me watch tv alone. He suddenly pushed me and i fell on the ground. He came over me and before i could push him away, he held my hand and tried kissing on my lips. I kept turning my head left and right, in order to avoid his kiss. I kept on telling him to leave me, and started crying. But he was stronger than me, and i was not able to release my hand from his grip. I started using my legs, tried kicking him, i used all my energy. I kept on trying to release my hand, kept turning my head and kicking him. Luckily I slipped my hands from his grip, pushed him away, and ran to my parents room and locked the door. I was so terrified and cried my heart out, and slept off in my parents bed. I woke up only after my parents came home and knocked the door. I couldn’t tell them what exactly had happened, i wasn’t able to understand myself and didn’t have enough guts to speak up. The hardest part was to continue living with that same guy under the same roof. After that day i only watched TV when at least someone was in the house and most of the days i used to insist my parents to take me office with them. The perks of being a youngest child, they never denied. I kept wishing for school to reopen quickly, so that the incident where i had to interact with him or at least see his face would decrease, because of homeworks and weekly tests. We kept living on the same for another 6 months and they shifted in the other house. The effect of that incident become severe as i grew up. Even though they shifted but were on the same colony and every now and then, i have to pass by him. And that unashamed devil, used to call me and ask how i was. I never replied to him, and tried my best to avoid him. Every night i used to plan in many ways by which i could kill him. Until i didn’t pass my SLC, the same thought used to come in my mind. I never trusted a guy, and didn’t have a single guy friend during my school days. I have few now, but still have a big trust issues. After SLC i came to KTM for further studies, and in the process on settling in the new place, that incident and his face faded from my mind. I say to myself that i have moved on, but still i haven’t been able to share this story to any of my trusted friends. I don’t watch TV even now, thanks to Youtube, I don’t feel the need. And it might be the side effect of that incient, i cannot befriend any mongolian, girl or guy (that guy was a mongolian). Trust me when i say this, i might have mongolain on my fb friendlist, but not a single one in my close circle. Now when i hear the rape cases so frequent, i feel so guilty. If only i had reported it that day, may be some other girls would have been safe. He may have tried the same with others as well, thinking whatever he would do, girls will remain silent.


Gender: Female
Raped/ Attempted: Attempted 
At the age: 7
Raped By:  Not disclosed.
Location: Relative’s house.
Reported (yes/no): Yes.
Frequency: Multiple
Any other similar incident: Not disclosed.
If gets to meet the rapist in everyday life? Yes/No:  No

Story

It might shock you to know that I wasn’t only molested by male but a female too. She used to work as a maid in my neighbor’s place. She used to touch and rub my private parts and used to ask me to do the same with hers. I was hardly 5-6 years that time. Then later I’ve been victim of such molestation so many times In my life sometimes by my own people and sometimes from outsiders. I was lucky enough not to be raped. I somehow managed everytime to escape though it used to haunt me every single night when I understood what happened to me years or months back. When I wasn’t even able to understand that the things that were happening to me were even right or wrong. But somehow I felt that it’s not right so was able to escape from there each time.



Gender: Female
Raped/ Attempted: Attempted 
At the age: 11
Raped By:  Not disclosed.
Location: Uncle’s house.
Reported (yes/no): No.
Frequency: Multiple
Any other similar incident: Yes.
If gets to meet the rapist in everyday life? Yes/No:  Yes.

Story

(I was barely 8-9) : My dad’s co-worker used to touch me all over and kissed me on lips all the time. I didn’t talk about it, because no one taught me to.

(I was 10)My relative pulled my pants out when I was sleeping. Touched me all over.  I pretended to be asleep because I was so scared. Someone knocked on the door. He stopped. No one ever knew. I didn’t talk about it because no one taught me to.

(I was 17) :I was coming back from my tuition. A group of guys made a fake crowd and groped me. Made me touch their dicks. Someone heard my screams, they ran away. I didn’t talk about it because everyone got irritated when I tried to talk about it.

(I was 19): I was drunk.  I liked a guy. That guy thought it was okay to kiss me, get me to a hotel room and fingered me. When I asked him, he said I directed him. I had not. But he acted like I did. I couldn’t talk about it because no one taught me to.


Gender: Male
Raped/ Attempted: Raped
At the age: 8
Raped By:  Cousin brother.
Location: Home.
Reported (yes/no): No.
Frequency: Multiple
Any other similar incident: Same person.
If gets to meet the rapist in everyday life? Yes/No:  Yes.

Story

He was my cousin brother around 10 years older than me. Used to come our house. One day I was sleeping and at midnight I was awake. He was playing with my personal organs. I was scared but he did it forcefully.


Gender: Female
Raped/ Attempted: Raped
At the age: 4
Raped By:  Uncle (far relationship).
Location: Home.
Reported (yes/no): No.
Frequency: Multiple
Any other similar incident: After I became victim on my small age which went unheard One of my relative whom I though “nice brother” tried to raped me after I had my first menstruation. At that time, I was maybe studying in grade 6/7.
If gets to meet the rapist in everyday life? Yes/No:  No.

Story:

I didn’t know what was happening with me when I was little. My reproductive parts are still unhealthy because of that case. When I grew up I understood that it was the attempt of rape. That uncle whom I still hate to see though we are of same family tempted me by giving lollipop. I still recall those scary moment how he called me at his home and gave me lollipop and told me to lay on bed. T.V. was on. How could that little girl sense that he was taking advantages of her? I lied on bed and watched t.v. I felt pain but lollipop was on my mouth. He told me to keep quiet and I did. Maybe I had fear. I didn’t tell to anybody. But later on I started to have health issues on my vagina and I don’t remember how and what I told in my house. And I didn’t remember it until next attempt of rape happened to me. It was summer vacation. I went to one of my relative house. And my mistake was to sit on far yet close relative of that time. I denied to sit there but I stayed there thinking positively. I stayed up one night on the same room where that guy slept. We had very good relation of brother n sister until that. On the second day, I slept early and I didn’t know when he slept next to me. I woke up in the middle of night and realizes some one is touching on my vagina. I was blank. Thinking that if I cried , he might killed me. Saw on movies* I was literally numb. didn’t know what to do. He was running his fingers and touching my vagina. I had shared him that I recently had my first menstruation. That was scary night. He jumped above me and I took a long breathe and he moved away and pretended as if he was sleeping. I hate him and his family. I told about this to my family but they still have connection with them. I wish I would have reported it to police


Gender: Female
Raped/ Attempted: Attempted
At the age: 7
Raped By:  Neighbor guy.
Location: Jungle.
Reported (yes/no): Yes.
Frequency: 1
Any other similar incident: No.
If gets to meet the rapist in everyday life? Yes/No:  Yes.

Story

I along with my frens were playing in jungle little away from our home. That sinner came, forcefully captured me and took my clothes off. My frens were scared as well but all of were very small and therefore could not resist much. It was jungle area so there was none in sight. I cried

and cried when he tried to penetrate into me. We then somehow escaped and I ran into my mom and told the entire story. Police came that evening and arrested him.


Gender: Female
Raped/ Attempted: Raped
At the age: 8
Raped By:  Uncle.
Location: Home.
Reported (yes/no):
Frequency: 1
Any other similar incident: No.
If gets to meet the rapist in everyday life? Yes/No:  Yes.

Story

I knew nothing about it before it happened to me. I had no idea what it was said for even months after the incident happened. We kids shared a room with our uncle cause we grew up with him, he was the one to teach me ABCD. And one night when my siblings were away from home and I was alone, he woke me up in the middle of the night and came to sleep with me. It was normal for me cause I used to sleep with him when my parents were away. But then he started undressing me and things happened all of a sudden. I had no idea what was going on. All i could feel was unendurable pain and a giant body pressing against me, suffocating me. After he was done he whispered in my ears “Don’t tell about it to anybody. Nothing will happen, you aren’t 20 yet”. What will happen if I am 20? What was it that just happened? Why am I not supposed to say it to anyone? I was too innocent then. Little did I know I was raped, that too by own beloved uncle who held my hands and taught me life.


Those bone-chilling stories above are the reality we live in but we don’t talk about.  Most of the rape incidents if you look at, perpetrators are no one but friend or someone from family or neighborhood and some cases, lovers.  These stories are not shared to amuse us.  They are shared so that we would introspect in individual level and in societal level and feel the untold and unreported horror and do the needful.

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My Story

A heartwarming birthday wish from a dad of just-turned-16 daughter

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Bobby Sharma, a Nepali immigrant to USA, posts this heartwarming letter dedicated to his daughter on her birthday.

As I look back Urvi, I find it absolutely astounding to realize over the last few years, that our exchanges never included American Girls, Cabbage patch dolls, gummy bears, fancy sneakers, One Direction numbers, Jessie and Liv & Maddy. Instead we spoke about BLM movement, Larry Nassar’s trial, Geoffrey Epstein’s suicide, MeToo crusade and what it means to live a life as a colored kid in a Southern state in Trump’s America.

Image may contain: Bobby Sharma, standing and outdoor

We spoke of my life in Nepal, my struggle as an immigrant in America, the challenges we faced to raise you all by ourselves and how you should espouse maturity at an early age, save, invest, be frugal, understand how important gratitude is and how you must learn to introduce empathy, compassion, integrity and humility to yourself. We also spoke of importance of grades and getting into better college, toxic masculinity, belligerent feminists who cry foul at every male mistake but do little for their sorority, cute boys with only one intent, sullen old men with same intent, the pleasure of casual sex, the shock of unwanted pregnancy, debilitating heartbreaks, flailing careers, distressing anxieties and throes of defeats. But to rise up to those challenges and to address them correctly is what will define your success as a woman.

Very soon, you will be introduced to alcohol and cigarette, or worse yet – pot. There will be stupors of passion and episodes of depressions, someone at some point will always be smarter, richer and prettier than you; and honestly at one point it will seem everyone else is. To retreat is so human, to throw in the towel is so anticipated and so is swallowing a bar of Xanax. But great leaders voluntarily launch themselves out of their comfort zone, create their niche and shake things up as a part of their self-rescue plan and that is what I expect you to do. Remember, there is no growth in comfort and no comfort in growth. Also everyone makes bad decisions – poor girls end up with toothless Bubba, rich girls marry Kanye West. But to learn from other’s mistake is what makes you smart. Gone are the days when you learn from your own.

Image may contain: 2 people, including Bobby Sharma, people standing, shoes, child and outdoor, text that says 'PLATFORM 934'

I hope you could get into Bowdoin or Dartmouth, but wouldn’t bat a sweat if you choose to enroll into Billy Bob’s trailer park community college if that’s what makes you happy. If you choose to be a mother Teresa, the world will remember you, but very few people wish to hang out with you. So instead, adopt the philosophies of Ellen, Oprah, Angela Merkel, Indira Gandhi, Indra Nooyi, Michelle Obama, Malala Yousafzai, Greta Thunberg et al. Be a fighter, but with logic, smarts and prudence.

And as Lee Ann Womack aptly put it –

….when you get the choice to sit it out or dance…..I hope you dance!

Happy 16th Birthday Urvi Grace Sharma!

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What are Nepalis working as in Australia

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Photo via Deepak Basnet

“Australia ma K kaam garchau?”
“Australia ma kasto kaam paincha?”
“K kaam garchan hola nepali haru le Australia ma?”


Many from Nepal are curious about Nepalis living in Australia regarding the types of jobs, their earnings, job availability, struggles and opportunities. It is estimated that there are almost 1 lakh Nepalese currently in Australia and most of them have started their journey as an international student doing all kinds of jobs available to them to sustain in one of the expensive continent.

However, given the cultural background of Nepalese society, where jobs are status symbol, people often don’t reveal the types of jobs they do in Australia, especially if is deemed “sano kaam.” To break the cultural mindset and encourage and celebrate all kinds of jobs, we asked our page followers currently residing in Australia about what are they working as. Intention of the post was also to get insight on types of jobs that are available in Australia, so that it can be pretty handy for those looking for job or planning to go Australia.

We received the following answers:

Make-up artist and Cosmetician

  • Reena Shakya is working as a make-up artist and cosmetician. Her basic role is to do customer service and do make overs when gets appointment. As she is no more a student, she is working 8 hrs shift a day, which gives her around 1300 AUD fortnightly.

Software Engineer

  • Sovit Ligal works as a full-time software engineer 5 days a week and gets paid in 6 digit salary. His job roles and responsibilities are to contribute to the maintenance and development of internal applications. Participating in programming activities, monitoring, and evaluating system performance, and designing and implementing new programs and features on company’s core CRM and API. Also, getting involved in the other products/projects as well as the infrastructure/architecture and microservices that the company have been rapidly enhancing.

Waiter and cleaning attendant

  • Aayush Acharya, who is currently in student status, shares:
  • •One at a Fine dining restaurant as a waiter where they pay me $27 & $31 per hour on weekdays and weekends respectively
  • •Another I am working with NSW goverment as cleaning attendant for train where they pay me $35 per hour on week days, $45 per hour on Saturday and $55 per hour on Sunday. I work around 30-40 hours per week combined earning approx $1300-$1400 per week before tax from which I receive around $1000-$1100 every week.
  • I work around 30-40 hours per week combined earning approx $1300-$1400 per week before tax from which I receive around $1000-$1100 every week.

Roof plumber

  • AP Light as he likes to call is currently in student visa, working as roof plumber. His job demands works like measuring the sheets , read the sketch and order the materials, crane up the sheets , lay the sheets, installation of flashings and finish the job. Gets paid around 30$- 40$ depends on work and project and he works 40 to 45 hours a week.

Technical Product Specialist

  • Sanjay Bhandari who started his career from Call Center (5 months) at Datacom and worked for 3 months at IT support for Department of FACS(Government Organisation) and been working for Booking holding since April 2019 as technical product specialist. His job roles and responsibilities are related to Project management, Client’s Dashboard Management and fixing technical issues of company product. Working hours 4 days a week, 8-hour shift, for which he gets paid above industry standard of 40 AUD. And, he works from home!

Independent Sales Contractor

  • Rabin Thapa works as an independent sales contractor on commission basis with Australian business number, for 4 days a week, 7-8 hours a day for which he earns like 1200 AUD. His job is about sales, mentoring, team building, leading, run workshops, recruit.

Cook

  • Dipesh works as a cook. His work is to cook foods for customers. He needs to work 30-40 hours a week and gets paid like 800 to 1000 AUD depending on day, time, occasion. He is now citizen of Australia.

Marketing

  • Arya Mehta works as marketer in casual contract. There are different contracts like full time, part time, and casual, where casual stands for on-call/on-demand. His job is to “research and analyse higher education market. Skills in demand, Job growth in market, assist in course design, competitor analysis, price and product research/analysis.” He works for 5 days a week and gets paid like 45 AUD per hour.

Hope, this article and stories give a broader perspective and understanding on Nepalis in Australia. If you too want to share what you work as, please let us know by messaging us to our Facebook page, and together we will inform and inspire those in need of information and inspiration.

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A week without Facebook and experience so far

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It’s been one week now that I have not posted anything as such on my personal profile or on our Page, and never thought it would be this better.  Glad that I made the decision.  Somewhere I now can understand what does “Facebook addiction” really means, and what does it feel like getting out of the addiction.

Desperation is gone

When you handle a Facebook page that is quite active and is known for engagement and discussion, you are constantly desperate to post something to keep people engaged, and watch and listen to them.  Just like how a smoker is reminded by brain to smoke as soon as nicotine high is gone, my brain used to remind me to post something as soon as earlier post had enough reach and engagement.  My mind used to be constantly thinking and searching for topics and issues and concepts to post on the page or my profile.  My mind used to be desperate to pass opinion or satire on any trending issue.   My mind could not think of anything but next post.  I didn’t know how my brain was automated until I left the Facebook.  I feel relieved now.  My brain is looking at other horizons, that would make my work and activities more impact-driven and meaningful.  I am simply becoming more creative and thoughtful, not out of desperation but out of purpose and goals.

Lowering anxiety

Facebook posts come with reactions and responses from people.  Sometimes they could spurt dopamine and sometimes cortisone, and you will not know the consequence until you don’t post.  As soon as you post, your mind triggers your anxiety and you are subtly drowning yourself in your brain hormones, sometimes in a pool of dopamine and sometimes in a pool of cortisone.  You can’t stop yourself from checking every now and then comments, likes and reactions.  And the reach.  You can’t think of anything, especially when your post garners negative reactions.  One half of your brain knows that it’s all momentary but another half can’t ignore and forget and chill to move on.  This battle is your everyday life after every post.  Amidst, you think of your business interest, your brand, your self identity, and lot other things and the anxiety gets worse.  I have been in peace now.

Being more social

No desperation for next post, no anxiety to check reactions, no desire to share my moment or “what’s in my mind,” and guess what? I don’t need to look at my phone every now and then, and that’s making me social.  Now, I can give my 100% to my friends, family and loved one when I am with them; I can give my 100% to my team, to my work when in office.  I don’t remember being this available in last 5 years, as much as I have been in last one week.

Better attention span

I had heard and read a lot that social media lowers users’ attention span, but I could never understand the claim in true sense but now I can relate and say that’s very true.  I  used to have trouble watching even 15 minutes videos on YouTube, forget about hour-long video.  Anything that would take my time more than 5 mins would be less-interested contents for me.  And now, it’s different.  This change is helping me to explore more books and documentaries and videos, and other long articles available on Internet.  Needless to talk about time I get for movies.

Self and business development

As I left Facebook, all I had was my website and enough time to focus on.  So, I begun learning google analytics and how it works.  I even joined a course and got certified.  I got to learn more about other Google products, and SEO.  Meanwhile, I applied for Google Adsense and got it approved.  These were the best reward I got from Universe for leaving the Facebook.  If I had not left Facebook, I would still be knowing nothing about google Analytics, neither I would have applied for Google Adsense nor I would have got it approved.  And I would be earning nothing for my works.  But now, I can earn with an ease by doing what I love doing.  Google Ads have now boosted my motivation to create quality content even more.  My mind is already budding exciting content ideas and concepts.  I see a whole new horizon to explore my creativity and passion, that would not only get me money and get me profound satisfaction, but also would be a learning and networking opportunity while working on those contents.

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